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  • Writer's pictureRikki Davlin

My Therapist isn't Helping Me!!



Therapists are tour guides. We walk next to you as you navigate struggles in life and point out new trails or different roads to take. But ultimately, it's up to you to make the decision of which way you will go.


I've been in the mental health field for over 20 years. I have had many clients ask me to just "tell me what to do". I have to help them look into the mirror and recognize they have the power and insight to make the right decision for themselves. These days it's even harder, because my teen and twenty-something clients are absolutely terrified to make choices for themselves. It is much easier to have someone else choose and then you have someone to blame if it doesn't work out the way you wanted. But, what kind of life is that?


However, I digress--Choosing a therapist is like trying on pants, not every pair will be a good fit. Some therapists are more directive than others. Some therapists work with trauma and others don't. It's important to interview a therapist to see if your personalities mesh before committing to therapy. I have had plenty of clients over the years not return for the second session because they didn't think I was a good fit for them. That is completely ok.


I am the therapist I am today because when I went to therapy in my college years all I remember them saying was "how do you feel about that?". I don't remember getting tangible skills to practice. I was told to journal and reflect. If thinking our way out of childhood trauma and stress were that easy I would need to find a new job.


If you feel your therapist isn't helping you, consider the fit. But also consider, are you expecting them to hand you solutions without work? Therapy and inner work is hard! You have to put in effort every day. The therapist is there to guide you down the path and warn you of potholes and make sure you don't drive off cliffs.

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