What do you want?

What do you mean? What do I want? I want to feel better! I want to hurt less! I want a better life!

When you come to therapy, it is best to get clear on what you want to achieve. What is your end goal? I have had many people come to therapy because their spouse said they had to "or else". Going to therapy for someone else can get the ball rolling, but it won't keep it rolling.

According to theories on change, one must have motivation in order for change to occur. First you must acknowledge that there is a problem. Maybe having your spouse mad at you is the problem, but outside of that you don't understand how your behavior is contributing to the problem. That is something we can work with.

Getting clear on your goals for therapy is like planning a trip with the destination in mind. If you want to go on vacation, but are unsure of where, it is difficult to plot the route or book the tickets. Just being "happier" is not a goal. It is a broad vague statement. What does happiness look like? Is it less worry? Is it more friends? Is it deeper connections? Start big and and dig down from there.

"I want to be less anxious!" I get this one a lot. Please be more specific. If you had less anxiety, what would that free you up to do or have? Would you have a different job? Would you worry less? Would you have a cleaner house? Ask yourself this question, "If I didn't have (X) what would I have?" Or, ask yourself "what are some things getting in the way of me having the life I want?".

This is a good jumping off point. Obviously, you don't have to have all the answers coming into your first therapy appointment. But this can help your therapist plan the trip with you based on what's most important to you.